I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
