i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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