I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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