My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
