listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
