just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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