i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
