Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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