That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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