he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
how drunk are you?
Several
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
