You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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