I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
