While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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