a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
this boner is exhausting
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
