So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
