just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
