how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
