Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
