I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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