Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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