Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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