Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm too high and old for this...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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