Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
