i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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