I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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