At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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