Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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