Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize