When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
