we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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