Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
