Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
