too bad you live with your parents still
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
