There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
