Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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