I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
