Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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