I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
