We named our party play list daddy issues
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
