We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
