gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
operation have a gay friend backfired
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize