Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
