He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
