its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
bring money and cleavage
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
