Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Boobs speak an international language.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
