I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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