ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
