I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
