Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
