bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
