Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
