she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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