jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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