Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
