So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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