Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
