I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize