I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
