Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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