She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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