I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just googled if crying burns calories
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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