HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
is it fun? or sober?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize