So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
