It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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