Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Fuck me I smell like cheese
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
