what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
