threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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