I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
