opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
