half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
