I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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