It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
