White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
