just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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