Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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