How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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